Saturday, December 03, 2005

AMERICAN CATHOLICS' GUIDE TO READING CHURCH DOCUMENTS
Are you an American Catholic and curious about how to receive documents coming from the Vatican or the USSCB? Here's a handy guide:

  • If you are inclined to disagree with teaching, parse the teaching carefully for phrases that could be construed as bigoted or in conflict with previous teachings. Then, disregard the teaching on that basis.
  • If you are inclined to agree with the teaching but disagree with other teachings, then parse the statement for signs of softness, and keep that locked away. Then when the teaching you disagree with comes up, compare the softness on the issue you agree with, and question the bishops' priorities.
  • If you have been arguing for this teaching then search for the strongest statement in teh teaching, and use it to call those you have been arguing with heretics.
  • Whatever you do, do not consider the teaching an opportunity to learn, do not pray about how you might incorporate the teaching into your life, and do not consider this teaching before offering an opinion and judegment on it.


Remember, the purpose of the bishops's teaching is either to expose them as bigots and unfaithful, or the make you feel good about yourself at the expense of Those People Over There. Not to instruct the failthful, especially a faithful as smart as we American Catholics are. Look how successful we've been at hoding the Culture of Death at bay.
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