Saint 1: I lived under an oppressive governement and had to worship in secret. I watched my parents an borthers and sisters get killed for being Christians. Whenever we celebrated Mass, we were constantly afraid the authorities would come marching in.
Saint 2: Yes, I was born in poverty and had to walk four miles on bare feet each way to get to our Catholic gathering place. Once a month, a priest would ride into town and celebrate Mass with us. I wish it was more often, but I was glad for what we had.
Saint 3: That's nothing! Whenever I went to Mass, the cantor would invite us to shake hands with our neighbors. Can you imagine? She acually wanted us to touch other people!!! Ick! And if you dared to abstain from this practice, people gave you dirty looks! Can you imagine the humiliation? With that immense distraction hanging over my head at every Sunday Mass I went to, it's a wonder I'm here! Not to mention the backwards theology. Ugh!
I'm not a fan of these parody-conversation blogs, but those who are making these arguments seem to like to use them on their critics, so I thought I'd follow suit.